Finding the Right Therapist Matters: What to Look for Beyond Qualifications

Starting therapy can feel like a big decision. Then comes another one: how do you actually choose a therapist?

If you search online, you can find yourself looking through profile after profile. Qualifications, therapeutic approaches, areas of expertise, professional memberships and descriptions of how each therapist works.

All of those things matter. You should know that the person you are considering working with is appropriately trained and qualified.

But there is another part of choosing a therapist that can be harder to judge from a profile.

How do you feel when you talk to them?

The therapeutic relationship matters

Therapy asks us to talk about things we may not normally talk about.

Sometimes that might be something painful from the past. At other times it might be a relationship we're struggling with, something we're ashamed of, a behaviour we don't understand, anger we don't usually express, or simply the feeling that something isn't right and we don't know why.

To have those conversations, the relationship between you and your therapist matters.

That doesn't mean you need to immediately like everything about your therapist or that therapy should always feel comfortable. Good therapy can sometimes be challenging and there may be moments when you feel uncomfortable, frustrated or unsure about the process.

But you should gradually feel that there is enough trust and safety in the relationship for you to be honest.

You don't have to be good at therapy

Something I think people can worry about, particularly when they haven't had therapy before, is whether they will know what to say.

You don't need to arrive with a carefully prepared explanation of what's wrong.

You can say, “I don't know where to start.”

You can change the subject.

You can sit in silence.

You can laugh.

You can cry.

You can swear.

You can tell your therapist that you don't understand the question they've asked.

And importantly, you can disagree with them.

If you find yourself constantly worrying about saying the right thing, trying to appear a certain way or wondering what your therapist thinks of you, that can also become something worth exploring together.

A therapist doesn't have to agree with everything you say

Feeling safe with a therapist doesn't mean having somebody who simply agrees with you.

There may be times when a therapist notices a pattern, asks a difficult question or

gently challenges something you've said.

That can be an important part of therapy.

The difference is being able to have those conversations without feeling judged, shamed or that you need to become the person you think your therapist wants you to be.

You should also be able to tell your therapist when something hasn't landed well.

If I've misunderstood something, I'd rather a client tell me. If something I've said has irritated them, confused them or felt completely wrong, that conversation can matter.

Therapy is a relationship, and what happens within that relationship can sometimes tell us something about what happens in relationships outside the therapy room too.

Sometimes a therapist simply isn't the right fit

A therapist can be experienced, well qualified and very good at what they do — and still not be the right therapist for you.

Therapists are people. We have different personalities, different ways of communicating and different ways of working.

You may prefer somebody who talks more. Someone else may value longer periods of silence. You might appreciate a therapist who is quite direct, while another person might need a different approach.

None of those preferences necessarily makes one way better than another.

It is about finding a relationship in which you feel able to be your true self.

And if you have previously tried therapy and didn't connect with the therapist, it doesn't necessarily mean that therapy itself isn't for you.

It may simply have been the wrong fit at that particular time.

So what should you look for?

Qualifications, professional registration, experience and the therapist's areas of work are all sensible things to consider.

But when you first speak to a therapist, you can also pay attention to yourself.

Do I feel listened to?

Do I feel rushed or judged?

Can I imagine being honest with this person?

Do I feel that I have to impress them?

Could I tell them if I disagreed with them?

And perhaps most importantly:

Can I imagine eventually being myself in this room?

You don't necessarily need to feel completely comfortable during a first conversation. Talking to a stranger about personal things can feel uncomfortable in itself.

But there may be something about the interaction that gives you a sense that you could work together.

Therapy is something we do together

As an integrative therapist, I don't believe therapy should be something that is done to a client.

I see it as something we work on together.

My role isn't to tell somebody how they should live their life or to provide all the answers. It's to offer a relationship and a space where we can begin to understand what is happening, explore patterns and experiences, and consider what might need to change.

Sometimes that work is difficult. Sometimes it's surprisingly ordinary. And sometimes the most important conversations are the ones neither of us expected to have when the session began.

Finding the right therapist doesn't mean finding the person with the most impressive profile.

It means finding someone who is appropriately qualified and experienced, but also someone you can gradually feel comfortable enough with to share the parts of yourself that are difficult to show elsewhere.

Because ultimately, therapy isn't only about the approach a therapist uses.

It's also about the relationship in which the work takes place.

Finding therapy that feels right

Choosing a therapist is a personal decision, and it's okay to take your time.

Many therapists offer an initial conversation before you decide whether to begin working together. This can be an opportunity to ask questions, find out more about how they work and get a sense of whether you feel comfortable talking to them.

You don't have to know immediately whether someone is the right therapist for you. Sometimes that becomes clearer over the first few sessions.

What matters is that you feel able to be yourself, to speak openly and, over time, to build a relationship where the more difficult conversations can happen.

Within Reach Therapy

I offer integrative therapy for adults, online and in person, working with a range of difficulties including anxiety, addiction, grief and loss, relationship difficulties, low self-esteem and burnout.

If you're considering therapy and would like to find out more about how I work, you can get in touch through Within Reach Therapy.